Search google for the keywords 'art of communication', more than 2 million results are present in just 0.63 seconds. Pretty much information, honestly. In other words, we can see or find such information at every corner of our life.
So, why do people still fail to communicate with each other?
I had lunch last week with a colleague. We haven't met before. Well, yes, to say hello and to know the other's name. The only reason we decided to have lunch together was that we have a common colleague who connected us together.
Thin is from Myanmar. She has been working in my organization for 7 months. She looks rather gentle. Having no ideas what she is doing and how it is going, I started the conversation with many questions. And we talked a lot. Thin even told me despite her calmness, sometimes she actually wishes to share her stories or ideas with other people, but she gets stuck often, mainly because they don't show their interest in what she's about to say.
It reminds me of an opposite story. My mom had a tiny business when I was a kid. We sold small stuff like a street vendor then. And my mom bought things from a shop owned by a beautiful and perfectly-adroit-in-communication lady. Of course, my mom was just a tiny customer of her, but every word she told to my mom was so polite, honest and generous. Her neighbor sometimes claimed that she was not sincere, but she received more and more customers from time to time. And we kept the relationship rather long, even when we moved to another place which was far from the shop.
Back to Thin. I just told her what I'm thinking about open and effective communication, from my personal exposure with a wide range of people all around.
First, try to answer the question: Do I want to talk with that person? Do I want to 'make friend' with him/her? If the answer is 'No', there's no way to talk. The door closes completely. 'Make friend' here is not necessarily becoming a friend after the talk. It's just a concept that motivates you to open your mind and start talking. In some cases, even when you are not willing to make friend with someone else but you can't choose to leave, try to say something to connect with the others in a conversation.
The next question is 'Do I want to know more?' If you think you know pretty well about the subject and you don't want the other person to guide you more, it's hard to continue the conversation. There's another alternative, given that you know well, you are ready to share it outwards. Nice enough. Keep talking. You have a chance to show up yourself. You might motivate others as well. The more important thing is that you don't break the connection that has been set up between you and the opposite. In another case, if you really want to learn of things that you've never heard of, or not enough, it's a good chance to take it from the person who you're talking with. My personal view is also with the latter. Despite so much you know, never is it enough. Each person can bring you new knowledge for sure. Your task is to explore it through conversations. The more you ask, the more you get. So, why not?
Once you are ready to learn, you should be ready to listen. For me, listening skill is really a challenge to practice. When I was young, I was talkative, a bit aggressive and straightforward. I had two chances to take training courses on communications and win-win negotiation, and we role-played there. Of course, I kept the same attitude to the stage, and my team won. But, the teacher told us the opposite. It made me shocked. And feel embarrassing. Since then, I fully acknowledged that I need to be more patient, calmer, and listen more. It gave me, actually, much better chance to know other people. When they debate, I know they have their own reasons. When they explain, I know they are understandable. When they complain, I feel them well. Based on that, I would decide how I should react properly. It becomes my natural approach now. More and more come to me to share their stories and/or to ask for advice. They all say that I'm really a good listener, and they really want to talk to me. That makes me so happy.
Last but not least, I think, is the question 'Do you want to get a connection?' Connection, cooperation, and networking are very essential, ever, everywhere in the world. Via conversations with think-tanks or simply a friend, they may help you to broaden your network if you are lucky enough. Back to my story. Two years ago, I conducted a capstone project on organic coffee. A guy there talked with me a lot. He then asked me to help his cousin to promote organic soursop tea. It was quite new fruit to me, but, I helped him a lot, with the only belief that one more organic fruit can be marketed and consumed. Not long after that, I called for my Facebook friends to consume this and many appreciate it, until now. I mean that any conversation can lead you to a broader network that you even don't think of. Believe me, take that chance, if you have. Not everyone has such a chance as you.
My friend, if you say yes to all four above questions, I do believe you own a good art of communication. Keep it up, you can't imagine what good things will come to you. If not, try to get as many as possible, keep in track and you'll get what you want.
Hanoi Time